About two weeks into my new teaching job in Japan, my supervisor – a soft-spoken Japanese man of roughly 50 years old – said the following to me, “David, I know that you have been very busy lately – adjusting to your new life in Japan, Japanese food, and your new job. But some of the teachers are planning on having a little party tomorrow night. If it’s not too much trouble, do you think you could stop by for a few moments? I understand if you are too busy or too tired to come.” I replied with, “I think I can make it for a few minutes. But I’ll see how I feel tomorrow night.” Looking quite pleased with my response, my supervisor settled back into his chair, took a long sip of his green tea, and resumed his monotonous daily tasks.
On the night of the party I wasn’t feeling overly tired but decided not to go nonetheless. I really wasn’t in the mood for having my coworkers stare at me with that “look what we got the foreigner to eat” gleem in their eyes. I opted instead for the more Western route – hanging out at the local Mc Donald’s with my English speaking friends.
The next day when I went into work, my supervisor, as well as most of my coworkers, were unmistakably upset abut something. “What’s up?” I asked my supervisor, “Did something bad happen?” He looked at me with the normal calm and cool expression of a Japanese office worker, but with eyes that smoldered with anger. He said, “Weren’t you feeling well last night? You seemed quite healthy during the day.” “I was feeling ok” I replied, “I just decided that I needed some time alone” (an obvious lie.) “Well, everyone at the party was expecting you to come. We brought gifts, ordered expensive food, and even made this banner for you.” He pulled out a large scroll of paper and proceeded to unroll it. The message written on the paper made my mouth gape and my heart sink. It said: Welcome to Japan, David. Good Luck! My supervisor continued, “All the teachers and the school staff members showed up to welcome you to Japan and our school. Don’t you have welcome parties in America, too?”
The moral of the story:
In polite company, Japanese people avoid being direct with their requests. It is a part of the culture that is meant to help keep relations unruffled and flowing smoothly. Unfortunately for foreigners living in Japan, this kind of vague speech can be the cause of embarrassing situations or even nerve-rattling problems.
If I had been a Japanese person in the above situation, I would have quickly picked up on the vague clues and gone to the party. But being a child of Western culture, the soft-spoken request from my supervisor gave me the impression that it was a request that didn’t necessarily need to be acted upon.
Ahh… live and learn I always say. I’m just afraid what will happen when I return to America.