I felt like I was on a mission — a quest of the utmost importance . . .
During the first few weeks in Japan, I had witnessed many blatant and inexcusable violations of basic courtesy. It was almost as if the people all around me had lost all sense of human decency. Manners? All gone. Politeness? An afterthought. I knew that something had to be done. “Those Japanese need to be educated!” I proclaimed. “They have no idea how to treat others!” And so my personal quest to correct the Japanese of their backwards ways began.
Like a sword toting swashbuckler of the seven seas, I forced my way into conversations, ruthlessly thrust my opinions on how civilized humans are supposed to behave, and then watched as my prey writhed in anguish. When they finally saw the light with which I had graciously blessed them, they promised with clasped hands to mend their evil ways. They thanked me on hands and knees, using the bow reserved only for the greatest of the Japanese nobility. I was triumphant! The world was now a better place — all because of me!
Well . . . that’s how I envisioned it, anyway. The reality is that I screwed up, big time!
Isn’t it amazing how we can be so quick to judge how other people do things without ever really wondering why they do those things? In the face of differing views and lifestyles, we often charge in with opinions blazing. We attempt to correct the perceived erroneous opinions by stating that our beliefs are “the norm.” The “I’m right and you’re wrong” syndrome. But now I believe there is a better way: diplomacy.
Our opinions are closely tied to our self-image. We are the sum of our opinions and beliefs. When those opinions fall under the attack from an outsider, we very rarely change our ideas. Actually, the opposite occurs: we become even more firmly convinced that our way is the right way. During my first few weeks in Japan, I had proven this over and over with my fool-hearty quest. The Japanese people ended up being even more certain that their way was correct, and that the silly foreigner standing in front of them was just a rude, pompous ass.
Disagreeing is a part of life in any country. But if we can strive to be more diplomatic in our conversations, then I believe that we can achieve a far more positive outcome than by belittling the other person.