About two weeks into my new teaching job in Japan, my supervisor – a soft-spoken Japanese man of roughly 50 years old – said the following to me, “David, I know that you have been very busy lately – adjusting to your new life in Japan, Japanese food, and your new job. But some of the teachers are planning on having a little party tomorrow night. If it’s not too much trouble, do you think you could stop by for a few moments? I understand if you are too busy or too tired to come.” I replied with, “I think I can make it for a few minutes. But I’ll see how I feel tomorrow night.” Looking quite pleased with my response, my supervisor settled back into his chair, took a long sip of his green tea, and resumed his monotonous daily tasks.

On the night of the party I wasn’t feeling overly tired but decided not to go nonetheless. I really wasn’t in the mood for having my coworkers stare at me with that “look what we got the foreigner to eat” gleem in their eyes. I opted instead for the more Western route – hanging out at the local Mc Donald’s with my English speaking friends.

The next day when I went into work, my supervisor, as well as most of my coworkers, were unmistakably upset abut something. “What’s up?” I asked my supervisor, “Did something bad happen?” He looked at me with the normal calm and cool expression of a Japanese office worker, but with eyes that smoldered with anger. He said, “Weren’t you feeling well last night? You seemed quite healthy during the day.” “I was feeling ok” I replied, “I just decided that I needed some time alone” (an obvious lie.) “Well, everyone at the party was expecting you to come. We brought gifts, ordered expensive food, and even made this banner for you.” He pulled out a large scroll of paper and proceeded to unroll it. The message written on the paper made my mouth gape and my heart sink. It said: Welcome to Japan, David. Good Luck! My supervisor continued, “All the teachers and the school staff members showed up to welcome you to Japan and our school. Don’t you have welcome parties in America, too?”

The moral of the story:

In polite company, Japanese people avoid being direct with their requests. It is a part of the culture that is meant to help keep relations unruffled and flowing smoothly. Unfortunately for foreigners living in Japan, this kind of vague speech can be the cause of embarrassing situations or even nerve-rattling problems.

If I had been a Japanese person in the above situation, I would have quickly picked up on the vague clues and gone to the party. But being a child of Western culture, the soft-spoken request from my supervisor gave me the impression that it was a request that didn’t necessarily need to be acted upon.

Ahh… live and learn I always say. I’m just afraid what will happen when I return to America.

By: D. Eyerman
Shiga, Japan

One of the core reasons I love traveling – and have loved living abroad for the past two years – is to better understand foreign cultures. To get the answer to the question of “How do they do it over there?” but more importantly to answer the “Why do they do it that way?” question.

So I found myself quite frustrated for the first couple months of my Japanese experience. I continued to hound my Japanese coworkers, friends, and other strangers (bartenders, waiters, random people I met outside Kyoto station) with Why? questions. But instead of getting any sort of substantive answer, the most frequent response was, “I don’t know. We just do it that way.”

My frustrations boiled over and I lashed out at a couple coworkers, “Aren’t you Japanese? How can you not know why do you things this way? Haven’t you ever asked?” And with these questions I began to realize the Japanese mentality of conformity and not asking questions of authority. Don’t stand out. Don’t think outside the box. Or, rather, you can think outside the box, just as long as you don’t tell anyone your crazy, straying-from-the-pack ideas. This means, don’t ask why. Just do it.

I have begun training my replacement at my company. He is not new to living abroad – he’s been out of the USA since 2001, living in Bangladesh, England, Thailand and Indonesia. But to Japan, he’s a newbie. And he insists on asking the “Why” question to everything. I answer as best I can. But he has quickly become familiar to my “You’re preaching to the choir” and “Damned if I know. Why are you asking?” shrugs.

Now, certainly there are parts of American culture for which I can’t answer the “Why?” question. I don’t know why it’s bad luck to open an umbrella indoors. Or why we carve pumpkins on Halloween. Or why we sing Auld Lang Syne only once a year, the stroke after midnight on New Year’s. But I know why we eat turkey on Thanksgiving, why we light fireworks on July 4th, and why we say “God bless you” or “Gesundheit” after someone sneezes.

Most Japanese people I have asked don’t know why we take off shoes when entering someone’s house, why you say “Yorushiku onegaishimasu” (literally, “Please be nice to me”) when meeting someone or asking someone to help you, or why the Japanese flag is the way it is.

So today, my girl and I went to a small cafe we stumbled upon several weeks ago. The owners of this cafe are some of the happiest people I have ever met. They are both retired and opened this small cafe on the shores of Japan’s biggest lake, Lake Biwa, to pass the time and spread positive energy. When we last visited this cafe, we spent a couple hours talking with them about everything under the sun. The old man (his wife calls him “Grandpa”) pulled out a small whistle-like instrument and proceeded to play “Amazing Grace” and “Greensleeves” for us – both of which he learned simply by listening and mimicking a CD. Such a great couple, still so very much in love, we decided to visit them again.

Again, we had a wonderful time, and again, “Grandpa” broke out his flute and played a new song for us. When came time for us to leave, they both came out of the cafe (in POURING rain) to watch and wave as we drove by (even though we had shared about a dozen “thank you”s and “take care”s in the cafe before we left). When I asked my girl why they came out, she answered, “Because it’s Japan.”

And so that’s become the de facto answer to my unanswered “why” questions. So why do we eat soup with chopsticks? Because it’s Japan. And why are there so many popular cartoon characters who are pieces of food (Anpan-man, who’s head is bread, Onigiri-man, who’s head is a rice ball, and their merry friends)? Because it’s Japan. And why is there nothing said after someone sneezes? Because it’s Japan.

And that’s the only way it can be.